Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Dear Jay

Dear Jay,
  Live.Laugh.L0ve. // Dear Jay

How is it that this summer passed so quickly? How is you are growing up so fast? I wish time would slow down, I wish I could stop time and just hold you forever. I love watching you grow though. It really is a bittersweet feeling, wanting you to stay little, but loving watching you become this independent big boy. I can't believe you are in first grade. We woke up a little late Monday morning, but you were so excited to start getting ready. You ate your breakfast, took your shower, and got ready. We chatted about school and making new friends. When it was time to go, we walked hand in hand to your classroom and I didn't want to let you go. I wanted to hold your small hand and just stay with you. You smiled at me though, let my hand go, and walked right to your seat. I was fighting back tears, but I knew you were going to be fine.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // Dear Jay

As a momma, it's a hard line to walk. Watching you grow, wanting you to learn, letting you become independent, but wanting to hold your small hand forever because I know there will come a time when you don't want me to hold your hand, a time when I don't get to walk you in to school. I cherish these moments with you Jay. My heart is filled with so much love and joy for you that it takes my breath away. I am truly so blessed to be your momma. So blessed that God chose me, I couldn't imagine life without you, I couldn't imagine not watching you grow up. I might want you to stay little forever, I may want to hold your hand always, but I know I will hold your heart forever.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // Dear Jay

Your first day went so well. As soon as you spotted me when I picked you up after school, you were beaming! You climbed into the car and started chatting away. I was so happy to hear that you loved your teacher and that you had a wonderful first day of school. The second day went just as well and you even told me about the new friend you made. It warms my heart that you are having great days in school because I miss you like crazy when you are gone and I'm always worried/wondering how your day is going. I just wanted to say how much I love you and how proud of you I am.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // Dear Jay

Love,
Mommy.
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Monday, August 25, 2014

I was reminded how lucky I am to have my husband

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // I was reminded how lucky I am to have my husband

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // I was reminded how lucky I am to have my husband

This weekend was pure bliss. Hubby has been working a lot lately so, I've been doing this "solo parenting" thing for a few weeks. Well, he had the whole weekend off and it was wonderful. My back has really been bothering me as my stomach continues to get bigger, which is expected, but it doesn't make it easier. Saturday night, Hubby told me he was going to make dinner, anything I wanted. I told him I wanted Meatloaf so that's what he made, along with baked potatoes, green beans, and rolls. :) While dinner was in the oven he also cleaned the kitchen and did dishes. The whole time he was doing that and the boys were playing, I got to sit on the couch and read. It was nice to just relax.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // I was reminded how lucky I am to have my husband

Then Sunday morning, I woke up to the smell of something delicious. I stumbled my way out of bed and into the kitchen to see what it was and there Hubby was, making breakfast for us. To say I was shocked was a complete understatement. After breakfast he helped me out with the boys so much and continued to clean up the house. I had a smile on my face as I asked him, "What did I do to deserve this?" He looked at me, gave me a kiss, and said, "What did you do? Well, you put up with me working a lot, you take care of our kids, and your run our household. That's why you deserve this." With my pregnancy hormones I was fighting back tears.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // I was reminded how lucky I am to have my husband

He also made dinner again Sunday night. It was seriously such a relaxing weekend and I felt completely spoiled with all the help. The boys were pretty darn good all weekend and by Sunday night, we were rested, and ready for school to start today. This weekend I was reminded of how truly blessed I am to have the husband I do. He blew me away this weekend and I couldn't stop thanking God for the wonderful man I married.

What has your Husband done lately that just made you stop and go, "Wow, I'm so lucky to have him."?

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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Depression and Suicide

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // Depression and Suicide

When I first found out about the passing of Robin Williams, I was incredibly sad. This man that has been in some of my favorite movies for years, was no longer alive. When I found out he took his own life, I was not only completely shocked, I was heartbroken. This "happy" man who had spent his career making people laugh, had committed suicide. However, it wasn't until I saw the tweet from TheAcademy on Twitter, that I started crying. "Genie, you're free." It wasn't long before I saw some of the anger and backlash about that little tweet. "Suicide is not freeing." People cried in outrage. "It shouldn't be looked at as freeing."

I could see the point of why people were/are saying that and I can see why people were upset by it. It does make it sound like suicide would be a good thing for someone considering it because that person would be "free" from their pain. Yes, Robin Williams is now free. He is free from the pain, sadness, and hurt he felt. He is free from the demons he felt he couldn't escape. He is free from whatever it was that was consuming him. We didn't know his story, but he is free from those things. But...

His family isn't free... His family isn't free from wondering how they didn't see it coming. They are not free from the pain of his loss. They re not free from wondering why he did it or how this could happen. They are not free from wondering if they could have done more. Suicide may have freed him from his pain, but he left behind a world of hurt, a world of questions. I was talking to my mom after I found out about this and I couldn't help but wonder if someone could have done something more for him or if he was just too far gone. I don't know his story, but when something like this happens, I can't help but wonder if something more could have been done for him or for anyone who has taken their own life or tried to take their own life. Why did he feel like he had no way out? It's not just him though, it's anyone going through this... this being depression and suicidal thoughts. I've talked a little about my own struggle with mild depression. I've watched family members hurt themselves, some overcame it, and some didn't. Never once did I turn a blind eye to it or act like it wasn't a big deal. I've talked about depression with them, I've yelled, and I've cried out of frustration for wanting to help and feeling helpless.

Society however has made it seem like depression shouldn't be talked about. People should take their meds and move on. They should "get over it" and "just be happy their alive." If only it were that easy. People have also made depression seem like it's not a big deal, "I'm so depressed I couldn't get this new whatever." "Ugh, I really wanted to do this, it's so depressing that I can't." No, that kind of shit isn't depressing, you might be sad over something so tiny, but you aren't depressed about it. Depression is a term used too much, too loosely, and not taken seriously enough for those who do actually suffer from depression. I didn't always understand depression before I had it, but I always tried to understand it. It wasn't until I experienced it, that I fully understood it. This isn't about me though, this is about you, about us, about society.

If you are struggling with depression, please talk to someone, anyone. Hell, email me, I will talk to you and you can trust me. We will email back and forth as many times as needed and as often as needed. I want you to know someone is here for you, someone cares, and someone will listen, even if it's a stranger. You are NOT alone in this and you don't have to go through this alone.

If you know someone with depression, Reach out to them and keep reaching out to them until they let you in. Let them know you are here for them and that they aren't alone.

As a society, stop throwing the word depression around over nothing. As a society, we need to make it our mission to reach out to those who do suffer from depression. We need to smile and strike up a conversation with someone. Put the damn phone down and pay attention to people.

Everyone is fighting a battle that we know nothing about and your kindness could brighten someones day. Never forget that.

R.I.P. Robin Williams, you will be greatly missed.

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Friday, August 15, 2014

A few truths

As I sit down and write tonight, I wanted to share a few truths with y'all. It can be hard to tell what's real that a blogger posts, what's not real, who they really are vs who they portray themselves to be. It can be hard to share real things in fear of criticism or having something you write about be taken the wrong way.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // A few truths

Truth:
It's hard for me to write about everything I want to write about. I'm a sensitive person by nature, my feelings get hurt easy, and I don't like to offend people if I can avoid it. Does that make me real on here though? If I'm too scared to share a certain topic I want to write about or talk about certain things? I do think it makes me real, it just means I hold back a bit more, but I'm working on this because I always want my readers to know me. To know what I stand for or against, what I believe or what I don't, etc.

Truth:
You don't often realize how much you baby the youngest in your family until you start trying to break certain habits. I've been trying to implement new things in my house and get my youngest to be a little more independent and it's really hit me hard just how much I babied him, when I thought that I didn't baby him very much. Talk about an eye opener.

Truth:
I don't go to church as much as I should, but I have a close relationship with God and I am no stranger to talking to my kids about Jesus and reading them bible stories.

Truth:
I am so worried about the amount of pain I'm going to be in as my belly continues to grow. Having a messed up back while your pregnant is no joke and the pain is already starting to intensify and I'm only 18 weeks. On that note, I am also worried about more than likely being put on bed rest towards the end of my pregnancy. Just thinking about all I need to get done in a short amount of time and then the idea of being put on bed rest while trying to take care of two boys, it scares the hell out of me.

Truth:
I know with twins, it's not uncommon to go into labor early, as in earlier than 36 weeks, and I'm deathly afraid of that. I watched what my little sister went through when my nephew was born three months early and I saw him in the NICU and that is not something I don't want to experience at all. I'm hoping and praying that it doesn't happen, I really don't think it will because I've never had problems with my other two pregnancies, but it is in the back of my mind since I'm pregnant with twins.

Truth:
My house is messy as I type this. Although, I hope it will be clean by the time I publish it. I"m just not one of those moms who has a super clean house all the time and I've learned for the most part, to be okay with this, but I do like it to be semi-clean {or almost all the way clean} and I try to do what I can when I can without overdoing it on my back.

Truth:
I am beyond grateful for my family and the few close friends that I have. Our a.c. unit has been out for two weeks and last week it was hot as shit in our house and my mom and step-dad gladly opened up their home to us for a few days and I couldn't be more thankful. I'm also grateful to the family who checks in on me every once in awhile to see how I'm doing. I'm also grateful for this girl who takes the time out of her busy day to chat with me and to make plans to come see me after the babies arrive.

Truth:
I don't know where I would be without my husband. He is seriously my rock and is such a good husband and father. I can't thank him enough for being who he is and doing what he does. I know he doesn't have to do certain things, but the fact that he's willing to, makes me appreciate him even more. I also love that he makes me laugh all the time, that after almost 9 years we are still going strong, and that we have a healthy marriage.

Truth:
I'm a little worried about having twins since we already have two boys! After talking with a couple of twin mommas, I know I'll get the hang of it in no time, it's just a little crazy to think about!

Truth:
Speaking of twins, I really can't wait to start decorating their nursery! With the boys, I never got to do that since we were living in apartments, but this time, I'm totally going to go all out and have fun with it! :)

Truth:
I haven't worn makeup in almost two weeks. Our a.c. has been out for the past two weeks and there has been no point in putting any on because I'll likely just sweat it off! I can't wait to get our a.c. fixed tomorrow!

Truth:
This pregnancy, I've been drinking more water than I ever have in my life. I know that's bad, but I was not a fan of water at all, but during the first trimester I threw up quite a bit of soda and now I can barely drink soda! I take that as a good thing.

Truth:
I am so NOT ready for school to start back up. I missed Jay like crazy last year during the day while he was at school and I'm not ready for that again. Call me crazy, but I'm one of those moms who absolutely loves having her kids home with her. He loves school though and while I might miss him, It makes me really happy to see him love school.

Your turn. Share a few truths with me in the comments below!


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